During our lunch breaks at work, Luke and I talk on the phone almost every day. This started shortly before we became engaged. He usually calls me at our set time and I leave work and go to my apartment (a two-minute drive) for lunch. The first few minutes are filled with everyday chatting as we prepare food or feed the dog - but then we sit down and read a bible study together over the phone.
We recently wrapped up the book Before You Say 'I Do' - a devotional helping engaged couples prepare for a God-honoring marriage. We wholeheartedly agree that God has used the probing questions and themes of this book to prepare us more than just about anything. (While we do have some critiques of the book, overall it was strengthening and thought-provoking.)
One concept from the book that randomly crossed my mind today was the idea of reacquainting daily with your spouse.
Wright proposes that we change a little bit each day and at the end of the day we need to deliberately set aside time to get to know each other again.
My day today has been crazy with meetings, plans, putting out fires, and that certain day in November that's ever approaching. I feel like on a small level I truly have altered a bit today. It can also be perceived as your current mood, but today more than most days I feel a particular awareness of the shifts under the surface.
I'm really looking forward to getting on the phone with Luke later tonight. When I lay myself bare and talk about my life - everyday activities, goals and hopes, things that are frustrating - I allow my soon-to-be spouse to see where I've morphed since he last talked with me.
Wright says he and his wife enjoy a slow cup of coffee or a walk during this time. In my overly-idealistic daydreams, I imagine this time for us as sitting on the porch after dinner when the light is all dusky, sipping on our favorite tea.
It doesn't have to be a clinical exercise, but rather an informal and eager, "Tell me everything," practicing restraint and withholding things you want to say, showing respect with your body language that you are as present as humanly possible in this moment. Eye contact and visible signs of engagement are huge.
The concept encourages couples to talk and reconnect daily so we don't wake up one day and say, "Who is this stranger who looks like an older version of the person I married?" If you're anything like me, I know this is a possibility even before marriage because sometimes I even think such things about myself when I look in the mirror - "Who is that?" Verbalizing daily - I hope/pray - will be a warm way to stay connected to myself and to Luke for years and years as we grow.